I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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