I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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