why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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