im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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