Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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