We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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