I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
