Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Houston, we have a blender
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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