You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
