I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
