Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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