I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
