People in love make me want to vomit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
