I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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