Whats the glycemic index on semen?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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