I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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