I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.