My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Blow job season was short but glorious.