Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.