A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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