yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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