woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
