I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
