new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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