i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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