I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
