a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
