I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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