my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
