Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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