Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
