Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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