'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
