First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
