It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
