I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
