dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Less talking, more tequila
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
