Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
