writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
