how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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