Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
