White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
