from now on my penis is your penis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
