Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
