I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
