I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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