Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize