There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
