Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
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If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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