Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
