bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
