and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
