You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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