At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
