If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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