are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
