who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
