two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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