i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
