if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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