Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How does one acquire holy water?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
