i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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