That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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