Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
