It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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